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Human error.
Five more cuts.
They won't show, and they will fade.
It's nothing. It's nothing.
It makes me feel normal.
I need punishment for every time I mess up.
Don't worry I won't die.

"I wish she would keep better track of things" one more cut.
"She is a freak" two more cuts.
"You don't care about anything do you?!" three cuts.
Some say it hurt.
Some say it's nothing.

Sure I thought I could talk to her about it, but now my only true friend is drifting.
She knew every thing about me, cutting, crying, depression, and so on. But, as I see her go.
Now we just say simple Hello's.
It's time she stopped dealing with me.
She has her own problems.

So what's five more cuts?
It just adds to the many.

Though there be fear with the cutting.
After this feeling of release, there comes fear.
'What if I can't stop?'
'What if they find out?'
'What if I kill myself?'

My wrist is throbbing now.
It wants the knife, it wants the blood.
I need help.
It's not the cat anymore.
It never was.

The voices tell me not to stop.
I am going insane.
But I can't say this to you.
Please get me help.

She isn't enough.
The 'talking' you call it.
I can just stab myself with a pencil
Or break open a light bulb.

I want death to myself.
I want end.
It's all my mind is caught on.

Although I know your trying.
I need more help.
I need…help.

I've misplaced my razor, and I need something sharp.

Addicted to cutting.
I can inflict pain in ways that won't show.
I thought it was over.
I thought it was gone.

It's not stopping.
It's never stopping.
Hello, this is quite an old poem and I must say I DO NOT SUPPORT SELF-HARM. I highly suggest if you are thinking about self-harm to contact a therapist or talk to someone you trust. 

www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlin… This is a list of suicide hotlines and I hope nobody considers suicide. 


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:iconwaterpanda666:
WaterPanda666 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
After reading through this I truly fell in love with it. It's rather a amazing piece of work and something which I can relate too. I also use to cut though I can not say my case was to the degree you described. I do not know of your hardship but I do want to say your poem is both stunning and something which I could relate maybe it's why I love it so much. As a fellow poet I wish to say you have a talent don't let it fade ^^.
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh my gosh~! Thank you so much! It means a ton!
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:iconwaterpanda666:
WaterPanda666 Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome ^^ i meant each word as I said it's something which I can relate and it's truly no problem you deserve the praise in my opinion~
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much!
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:iconyuki-crosszeria:
Yuki-Crosszeria Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
I know the feeling, I've felt the same way.
In fact I still get the feeling sometimes...I felt it today... :(
It's like my friend doesn't care and this is the only escape.
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I know it's tough, I struggled with it for years now. But really your friends do care, just try talking to them. Sometimes they just may not understand your feelings and its hard for them to say anything because they don't understand. But don't give up, never ever give up, keep trying. And even if you fail don't beat yourself up about it, just keep smiling and say "i'll be better next time" don't let depression or sadness hold onto you! And most importantly SMILE!
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:iconyuki-crosszeria:
Yuki-Crosszeria Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013
Thanks, I'll keep that in mind next time I feel down.

It's nice to know someone knows what I feel and is willing to talk about it. :)
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I will always be there when people need it! :)
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:iconyuki-crosszeria:
Yuki-Crosszeria Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013
Thanks, it's nice to hear that.
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you tons!
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:iconnaminewolf:
NamineWolf Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013
~trying to hold back my tears as I read this..~ beautiful..makes me sad..it's like your poem spoke the words I couldn't..:( ..good job on the poem though!
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much sweetie. It's tough to get my words out and I was going through a really rough time when I wrote this. I wish you best and hope for you to get better! :D
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:iconnaminewolf:
NamineWolf Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
thanks and i hope you continue enjoying your time alive and with your family and friends :)
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks I do! I hope you do too!
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:iconnaminewolf:
NamineWolf Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
That's good and thanks.. :)
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:iconayaka432:
Ayaka432 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is truely amazing... I can relate alot to this. I hope you are okay also :huggle: (but instead of a cat...it was the dog for me ^^;) This is a gorgeous poem.
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I am wonderful now. I hope you are ok too! Sorry about late reply...! BUT HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AND STAY STRONG! <3
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:iconayaka432:
Ayaka432 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:aww:
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:iconidontnoagoodusername:
*starts to cry* someone understands my pain. <3
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I am sorry that such a thing happened to you, yes this is my past experience. Even now I still struggle with it. Stay strong, <3.
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:iconamericanwildcat:
AmericanWildCat Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this is truly amazing! keep it up
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
THank you so much! :D
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:iconsasuke-96:
sasuke-96 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
it's really amazing that i can look at this and think how about 5 or 6 years ago i could say "why would anyone do this it's horrible!" but now i have those same scares i was so afraid of. i can sometimes make it through the day and feel like i wont have to but other days i have to act like mom (i'm 15), get yelled at by my mom( only recently has it gotten...idk "bad"???), cook, clean all the things my mom should do but she doesn't. i know i shouldnt and i know also i cant help myself......this was so beautiful, i only wish i would let myself cry to show you how amazing it is.
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
I can agree with you when it comes to the old, used to think it was weird thing. I always thought of blood as something that was not a release nor would it ever be something I would do. It only happened once by accident,when I stabbed my hand with a pencil. I didn't enjoy it at first, but after that I went worse. I can understand that for some people the feeling can change depending on the emotions they feel when cutting. While I feel relaxed, others may feel pain. Now I won't give you a long speech on how you should stop, because hell it took me forever to do so. Also I will admit I felt helpless.
I only wish you could someday look back, and no longer have the urge. As I only hope that for you. Stopping may seem impossible, as it did for me. But the night I lost it, my legs, both arms, and thighs. All of them were covered head to two in cuts. I think that snapped me out of it. Because one of my friends made me go to guidance. She stayed with me the whole time.
All it takes it steps.
Just work hard.
And don't give up.
Thank you very much for your kind comments, I am happy that the poem brought you some emotional response. You are the kind of people that keep me living.
Thank you again, have a wonderful day.
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:iconsasuke-96:
sasuke-96 Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you for responding. you are so very welcome. i will have a good day thank you
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
You are very welcome!!! I wouldn't not respond to such a strong comment! You moved me in so many ways! Thank you very much!
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:iconsasuke-96:
sasuke-96 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
rly??? i didn't think it would....
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
The fact that other people out there can relate to my poetry, and my own personal feelings moves me in more ways in one.
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:iconsasuke-96:
sasuke-96 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
hmmm, i dont post the poetry so....idk how tht feels.
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Still, thanks. :)
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(1 Reply)
:iconravenspider:
RavenSpider Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
this poem is very relatable for me. i would cut when i was angry, sad, depressed, upset. tho i have stopped when i'm any of those feelings i want to cut again. i don't tho. i look at my daughters and realize that i want to be better for them. i write more to help with the feelings. this is a very beautiful poem it is very well written.
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Best of luck, wish you a happy family! Thanks and have a beautiful day!
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:iconashllen:
Ashllen Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
WOW. That's almost the only word that was going through my mind. While reading this I thought of my past, all the pain...... I haven't cut myself in almost 2 years. Instead I end up bitting myself till I bleed or I end up diging into my skin with my nails. Now I end up bitting my nails, but I still bit myself from time to time. After reading this poem it remined me of myself, and I felt like cuting myself after such a long time; but instead I'll cry. I'll cry til my heart is at ease, I know right after I cry it will be harder for me to get back up; but I don't want to fall down, I won't fall down.....I hope for the best for you! Keep up the good work!
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks, I wish you best. Thanks for sharing your story with me!
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:iconashllen:
Ashllen Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome, and I wish for the best for you too.
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks
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:iconweird-and-proud-lol:
Weird-and-proud-LOL Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Student Writer
Woah, how'd you write about my life so accurately? >_>
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
I stalk you everyday! Im kidding of course, It's sad alot of people can relate to this.
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:iconmidnightraven6:
MidnightRaven6 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
you did a great job on this. it was full of feeling. while reading through it, my heart started to beat harder as i found myself relating more and more.
thankfully, i don't cut anymore. One time i lost control and cut myself so bad i had to get 27 stitches. it is sad that it took a situation like that to make me stop but i am glad it happened because i would likely still be doing it. i am still tempted at times but i can fight it. usually i look at my scars and it helps.
i hope you keep the strength to fight and not cut again. ^^
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks! :heart: Wish you luck!
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:iconmidnightraven6:
MidnightRaven6 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011
you're welcome :aww:
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
:D
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:iconcrimsonthornink:
CrimsonThornInk Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
i love this poem, its so meaningful...i know exactly how u feel *hugs*
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:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
:D
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:iconphantomangelstar:
phantomangelstar Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
"The words feel like ice
The sharp pain it inflicts
Like holding their cold hearts
in the very palm of my hand
This throbbing a familiar
Of the swelled 'scratches'
But unknown to the world
They believe I am free
Of the pain self-inflicted
For the redness fades faster
than the wounds of my heart"


Zaiav, sweetie...try holding ice instead...hold it until your hand goes numb...its a worse pain than cutting and it doesn't scar you....
It's a coping mechanism I learned...
You CAN stop
Reply
:iconzaiav:
Zaiav Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Sorry, not willing to try it. I hate cold things... >.<
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