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My wordsThe amount of words spoken everyday can become repetitive.
“I want to be stronger.”
They don’t sink in anymore because we've overused them.
“Why doesn't anyone love me?”
No longer can we start a revolution, or inspire a world.
“We can do it! Keep on fighting!”
Instead we wind up sounding cliche.
“I want to die”
No longer are we the poets who make people cry.
“Life is shit”
Instead we leave a blank feeling, because we've heard it before.
So we are left with this emptiness.
But that can’t be true.
Because it’s too cliche.
Good enoughYou’ll never be good enough to beat that person in video games.
Nor that online player who claims they're the best.
You’ll never be good enough to earn that pay raise at work.
Nor become employee of the month.
You’ll never be good enough to be the strongest and smartest in class.
Nor get the best grades.
You’ll never be good enough to be a model.
Nor have the body you've always wanted.
You’ll never be good enough to walk away from that fight.
Nor be able to fight back.
You’ll never be good enough to hold back your emotions.
Nor always be the best friend.
You’ll never be good enough to always do the right thing.
Nor make the right choices.
You’ll never be good enough to make that person love you.
Nor always be loved.
You’ll never be good enough to make it somewhere.
Nor ever be noticed.
But you can damn well try.
ExpressionsI paint the sky on a blank canvas.
Trying to find a way to express my emotions.
But the canvas just becomes a gray scale.
I write down the words I think.
Trying to find a way to get it all out.
But the words just fall out of my mouth.
I photograph the world around me.
Trying to find a way to express myself.
But the shutter is slow, and doesn't capture it fast enough.
This is the expressions of my emotions.
They never seem to come out right.
Despite me trying my hardest.
The emotions stay locked within me.
Sorry“I’m sorry” are two words I find my frightened self saying.
More than once actually.
I have a tendency to repeat myself when I’m jumpy.
Or when I’m busy bawling my eyes out.
“I’m sorry” are two words that often I say for no reason.
Even when an apology isn't needed.
I have a tendency to repeat myself when I’m jumpy.
Or when I’m having an anxiety attack.
“I’m sorry” I find the girls like me often say.
When they can’t seem to find the right words.
Or do some trivial mistake.
“I’m sorry” is something we all seem to say.
More than once actually.
We have a tendency to repeat ourselves when we are jumpy.
Or are having an anxiety attack, from some trivial mistake.
Lost for wordsI used to be able to take a group of ugly words, and turn them into a beauty.
I used to be able to have the words tell a story.
Now I’m at a loss for words, wishing I could bring back the inspiration I had before.
I know if I force it out, my words will become lies.
Un-relatable, and confusing.
Despite my efforts to change this.
It’ll remain the same.
Till I find my inspiration again.
love is hurtingThe beautiful days we held so close, I once said to 'hello' to you.
Our meeting was brief, and simple.
Caring, and kind.
We left with helpless hearts.
Neither regretting, nor forgetting.
Our meeting place, once helped me smile.
Overcoming each day.
I still wish for the past,
with crying into my hands, at last.
Letting lose the tears,
I know I shouldn't fear.
You tell me "You'll move on".
But the glass still digs into my skin, and prickles each time I see you.
Wandering like I'm not here.
I touch my lips, and hope for yours to return.
The tears keep streaming, never forgetting.
ThanksWhen did my inspiration fly south?
It isn't winter anymore.
Why can’t I gain the excitement I used too, about someone enjoying my work?
Was I faking it all along?
Shouldn't this mean more?
This used to be my life, my escape, my everything.
I have all these ideas.
But when they come through I do not care to see the outcome in the readers.
Instead of connecting, I simply say something useless.
Instead of fighting back against those who dislike I just reply.
No argument in sight.
Didn't I used to care about the few fans I had?
I used to explode with happiness when someone said “I connected with this!”
Now it’s just, a bleak thanks, and I move on.
AbusiveGrip my neck tight and don’t let it go.
Forgetting to let me breathe.
So I can taste blood, as I bite my lip.
Today is the day I please him.
With my innocent body.
“Admit you like it”
Rip my heart out, and drink the remains.
Then chain me to the bed, a neck with scars.
“Oh my oh my, you've been such a naughty girl”
Pitied by the daytime, it’s when vampires like you sleep.
“Oh my oh my, you've been such a naughty girl”
I just want to rip out your wicked heart.
Please forgive these tears running down my cheeks,
I swear I’ll devoid myself of all emotion.
Ah, I will moan when you command.
Listening to every will.
“I love you”
It hurts so much, the whips and chains.
I hate being tied down like this.
“I love you too.”
Black voidsA black void escapes my lips.
As the infection of pain takes over.
I’m screaming to an empty room.
In it lays all my fears.
My eyes are filled with parasites.
Seeing nothing but black.
Which leaks it’s way into my heart.
Trembling fingers, and sweaty palms.
Bugs clinging to my hair.
Nesting in my skin.
I have been contaminated.
By the sins of others.
Nobody can harm me now.
I have been contaminated
By the whispers of the heartless.
Reaching forth for some light.
It only seems to burn my skin.
My right eye has been removed.
And left with a hole.
Head spinning round’ and round.
Sitting in this dirty contaminated room.
A perfect fit for me.
Can't Find JoyI stole the smiles from both of my parent’s faces
The very same one I was responsible for
On the day I was delivered into their arms
In a cloth, from the beak of a black feathered stork
From the very first day with my very first breath
Though I was not able to speak a single word
It was evident as the nurses bowed their heads
That this boy with the dilated pupils was cursed
Everything I’ve ever grown to love and desire
In one way or another I have now destroyed
Yet still I have the temerity to question
Why it is that I can never seem to find joy
I stole the smiles from both of my parent’s faces
I would do anything at all to give them back
But some wicked actions can never be undone
And some statements I have made I cannot retract
Regardless of the depths that I sank or swam to
Whether I was responsible for what was wrong
My lugubrious mood could always be soothed
With memories of the black feathered stork’s bird song
Every page my trembling hand has ever turned
I Found You BrokenI found you broken,
Crumbled, laying upon the steps of life.
I wanted nothing more than to help you back up.
You had fallen from so high so long before.
I'd give my soul to carry you back up.
But no matter how hard I try,
I can't budge or lift you up till you decide,
To stand by yourself,
And when you do, I swear I'll be back right here.
But do you mind,
Just sit and wait with you a while?
While we both have the time.
I'm SickAs I sit in darkness I feel its cold breath within me, burning my insides with its icy fire.
It’s not warm like a flame should be. It’s a contradiction. It’s unnatural. It makes me
nervous. It hurts. I trail shaky fingers over my bruised skin—it wants out again.
Unnatural. But really, what is natural? What is the definition of something one might
consider normal? It most certainly cannot be this beast within me. I cannot decipher now
between it and I. We are one yet we are two. Two that sometimes is one and one that
sometimes is two. One. Two. Two. One.
Rage. It’s always there but now it burns cold in the front of my mind as well as the
back. My subconscious is diseased with inhuman instinct and my consciousness is
becoming sick. It’s a plague.
I’ve opened the doors to famine.
My Final Goodbye
I sit here thinking of time that's past
Wondering why love never lasts
I could read books and countless sources
And all I find is theories & pointless courses
On what to expect and how it works
How it gets better and how it gets worse
Love is a lot of things, except easy to find
I was fooled into thinking that you were mine
Love is beautiful, but only when it's true
But you may think it evil, when you rush into it like fools
I thought the world of you
But I was truly wrong
You had me feeling blue
Like a bitter ending in the saddest song
How many I love yous were really real?
How many times did you say what you really feel?
A relationship as bad as ours should never be revealed
Locked in the past, it should stay concealed
With every I love you I gave my all
With every lie, you made us just fall
Like a child on hands and knees, I was forced to crawl
Can I ever write poems of love that's real?
Or do I only deserve love that doesn't feel?
Am I forced to be a thief?
Is there a love I can st
Fake SmileGreeted by her vibrant cheer,
The happy girl that's always here
Has a very grim secret, I fear;
Her friendly smile is fake.
She has a heart that's big in size,
But her smile does not reach her eyes.
She tries to fool us with her lies,
Because her warm smile is fake.
It's become a daily task
To hide behind a grinning mask.
Oh my dear, I have to ask,
Why is your smile fake?
She's a girl that's pure of heart,
And she's been like that from the very start,
But her mind and soul have been torn apart,
Making her loving smile fake.
My little dear, I see the truth;
Countless others have tarnished your youth.
You're broken, my dear, and here's the proof:
Your pretty smile is fake.
Everyday she's in pain, you see,
But she tries her best to pass off glee...
I'm ashamed to say, that girl is me,
And my cheerful smile is fake.
I Was Once Told My Heart BeatsI was once told my heart beats
But how can I be sure
When my soul feels so empty
No sound so pure
As the reverberation of life
Beating in my core
So should i believe them
I'm sure they've lied before,
They said you only die once
But I first died when I was four
When daddy snuck into my room
And treated me like a whore,
And they said crying helps
That it sets the pain free
And though i cried every night
The tears never helped me,
They even said wounds heal with age
And though I got older,
Every single day
My wounds only grew deeper,
But I still continued to believe them
Even as they lied to me again
Telling me I'd find someone
Who'd save me from my pain
Someone who'd love me
For who I am
Not what I am
And past what's happened to me
Though I've searched and hoped
Believing what I was told
I was never enough for anyone
And my heart grew cold.
I was once even told
My heart beats
But that seems too lovely to believe.
PerfectI'm sorry I'm not perfect
I’ll probably never be
I’m sorry I’m so selfish
Once I was scared and now I’m damaged
It made me the way I am, cold-hearted
With the evil instinct to hurt inside me
I smile for the world to hide the horrible person I truly am
I pray to find my solace
Forgiveness I feel I’m not worth
So my sins would become as white as snow
It’s funny how the voice of reason is the loudest
When I’m curled up and crying
Reminding me there’s things to be done
Not caring I plead to be left so I can bleed in peace
I know I break promises and never learn from my mistakes
I know I’m insensitive and I talk back
I’m sorry I’m not perfect
If could, I would be for you
I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect daughter
I’ll never be
I’ll just be me.
Things I'll Never SayThere are certain things I’ll never say,
Like how I thought about killing myself today
Just to keep my own scary thoughts away.
Like how I stay awake way too late
To be sure I don’t awake in a bloody state.
Like how I soaked white into red last night
And turned myself into a ghastly sight.
Like how it hurts too much to breathe
When I make my own skin seethe.
Like how I Google things I shouldn’t
When I want to do things I couldn’t.
Like how I’m scared of being alone
Yet I’m only happy when I’m on my own.
Like how I know I’ll wind up killing myself
And turn into just a dusty photo on a dusty shelf.
Like how I make myself bleed every day
Even though I know I can’t go on this way.
Like how I maybe want someone to see
And for them to somehow help me.
But nobody will ever help me,
Because those are all the things I’ll never say.
I Feel Your AbsenceWe will not be sharing a kiss tonight
And no one else’s lips will ever do
Patience is a virtue, not a hindrance
It will be a pleasure waiting for you
Though I’m in love with your body and soul
And dream of a shared passion between us
I’ll wait to hear your body sing my name
There can indeed be innocence in lust
Alas, I cannot dance with you tonight
As we find ourselves many miles apart
But still you dance around my cluttered mind
Quickstep to the beat of my hollow heart
Though I’m in love with your past and present
I shall slowly remove the hurt and hate
Replacing it with a loving future
In accordance with my belief in fate
A pain that only you can imagine
To be apart, now that our love has grown
And arms feeling as empty as my soul
When I can’t cradle your quivering bones
Though I now wonder how I ever coped
In the days, months and years before you came
I feel lucky to have you in my life
So for this absence I cannot complain
The feelings I can't expressTimes like this when I can’t find the rights words.
Times like this when I find myself crying.
As I have no way to express.
But this pencil twirling in my hand.
Sometimes I’ll make art, and proudly show it.
Sometimes I’ll make shit, and quickly destroy it.
With either I find they both seem to end in the same way.
With a simple message, strewed through long and tedious words.
That could be said much simpler, and probably has.
But still I say it, for it’s all I have.
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More