On February 14th 2022 my darling kitty Kelly passed away. She was an old lady, and despite her age I never assumed she'd be gone. Just 7 months ago I told you about Winston's death and although that may seem like a long time it feels like too little. She had been on a steady decline the past few months and we had been trying out best to keep the little old lady comfortable. Lot's of treats, cuddles, and kisses. But sadly she passed away, surrounded by love her final moments were spent looking at beautiful waterfalls on my partners laptop screen. She purred a bit as she stared at it, before passing. I hugged her till her breaths stopped. I miss her so much. I hope Winston is annoying her up in whatever afterlife there is. I don't know why I'm sharing this again. Maybe just some weird form of therapy. It does help to just write it out. Pet loss is such a difficult thing. It's heartbreaking and draining. In the end it leaves you worse.
On July 6th, 2021 I had to put down Winston. My cat of many years he was a joy to be with. Several months ago in 2020 he sustained a serious brain injury due to a mistake on my part. Even now I hold intense guilt. What if I had done things differently? What if I hadn't opened that door? Even if it was a mistake it still hurts me to think about it. I don't know why I'm even writing this journal. Perhaps as some form of healing. Perhaps it's merely a selfish desire for attention and pity. I'm sorry I don't upload photography anymore. Haven't done it in a long time. I don't feel creative. I don't feel that spark. Ultimately I am ashamed of myself and how my life turned out. Losing Winston hasn't helped. I miss you buddy...I'm sorry I couldn't heal you. You were so beautiful.